I remember

Taelie is 4 years old.

Broox is 2 1/2. 

My days revolve completely around them and that makes me happy. 

I get overwhelmed some days, of course. But then I remember. 

I remember the years where I pretended I didn't have depression over my infertility diagnosis.

I remember pretending to be strong when inside my heart was broken. 

I remember holding others' babies and wondering why God wouldn't trust me to be a mom when it was all I'd ever wanted.

I remember wanting so bad to have morning sickness just because it meant I would be pregnant.

I told myself I would happily throw up every single day if that's what it would take.

 (and it did take that.  and they were so worth it.)

I remember FINALLY getting pregnant and then having to have an emergency D&C.

I remember how my knees literally hurt from falling to the ground so often in prayer.

I remember feeling broken. And lost.

I remember pleading with God for just ONE baby. 

 ...

It's funny how quickly you can forget.

I NEVER forget how lucky I am to have them. But sometimes I forget how I felt before they were here. 

I am constantly in awe of the miracles they are.  

I don't know why God decided to bless me with TWO amazing children, but I will FOREVER be grateful to Him.  These sweeties are my life.

After MUCH thought and prayer, I decided I AM going to share our infertility story.  It is very personal but it is also very defining to who I am.  It's long (and lets face it, I'm an over-sharer) so I'm going to break it into sections.  These posts will be labeled: The Story of Us: Kids 

I hope you join us.

King of Anything

I’m sure you’ve all heard this song before.  It’s by Sarah Bareilles.  I’m still totally obsessed with it.  And Taelie LOOOVES it too.  She’ll sing along to it…think we’ve listened to it a few times around here? Haha!

My favorite part is definitely the chorus: 

“Who cares if we disagree?   

You are not me.   

Who made you king of anything. 

 So you dare tell me who to be?   

Who died and made you king of anything?”

I’ve always been really drawn to the lyrics in music.  At any point in my life, I seem to have a theme song  (or, in all honestly, multiple songs!)  And then years later, when I hear those songs again, I can vividly recall exactly what I was going through and feeling at the time.   I’m loving this song because to me, it just screams, BE YOU!  It’s okay to think differently than other people.  In fact, it’s good! How boring life would be if we all thought exactly the same?

Another quote from the song that is fantastic: 

“All my life I’ve tried to make everybody happy while I just hurt and hide, waiting for someone to tell me it’s my time to decide.”  

 I seriously tell myself this All. The. Time.   My life is up to me.  If it’s not what I want it to be, I CAN change it.  I CAN become a good cook.  Or wake up early (I can, I’m sure of it...positive thinking!) I CAN be a better mom, a better wife.  My life is up to me.

In case you were waiting for someone to tell you…It’s YOUR time to decide. 

 You CAN do it. 

(Me too. We’re in this together.) 

It’s time to live the life we always wanted to!

Living it up.

Don't tell Ben but....we really do live in such a beautiful place.

I didn't edit this pic at all.  

And obviously, the way I DO edit pics is just for fun...clearly my skills are non-existent :)

I love Spring, Summer, and Autumn in Utah.  We are having so much fun finally getting outside everyday! (Those little power wheels are getting a TON of use.) We go on walks nearly every day and just try to soak up as much vitamin D as we can.  It's still chilly but we push through because we all LOVE being outside.  

Proof that Mister is obsessed with super heroes.  He is almost always wearing one of his masks. They go everywhere with us.  And I am totally okay with it.  Very out of character for me, I know, but really, what does it hurt? He'll only be in this stage for a little while.

We've also been clocking some major park time.  The park we live by isn't huge, but we love going there anyway.

Mister cheesing it up for the camera.

 Taelie loves to be pushed as high as possible.  She tells us that she's a fairy flying.  It's the cutest thing.  Ever.

Even Chloe is enjoying the spring weather. (although Mommy is not enjoying the muddy paw prints all over my floor.  I am SOOO excited to get grass!)

I think it's supposed to hit the 60's this week and I could not be happier about it. (that's just sad.) I am looking forward to many, many, many more days outside with my lovies!

Right now

I should be folding laundry.

 I mean, really.  Who does this?  

I am a ridiculously clean person. But I loathe folding laundry.  Seriously. I will scrub toilets and bathtubs and mop floors by hand without even a sign of disgust.  Folding laundry?  Now that's a whole other story.  I really feel like I have my life all together when I fold it right as it comes out of the dryer.  It just seems like it is never done.  

It's just pathetic really.  I need to grow up, apparently.  I'm assuming "real" adults do their laundry like they're supposed to...

meh... 

that's how I feel about that.

So, instead, I'm lying on my bed, listening to Pandora, and blogging.  I just like talking to you.

I'm pretty positive I'm going to start up my Share the Love giveaways again next month.  They were so much fun.  I've already got a list of items I'm excited to give away to you guys.  If you have any products you think I need to try, let me know and I'll check 'em out. 

Okay.  Apparently the laundry won't fold itself.  Rude.  I'm probably going to go do that now.

Or I might go check out your blogs...who knows?  Both are equally tempting.
(I'm lying.  We all know I'm just going to go blog stalk all of you.  I'll simply pretend the laundry isn't there until tomorrow when it's grating on my nerves so bad I can't stand it.  Then I'll grudgingly fold it.)

Do you have chores like that?  Which one is your nemesis?  Can we swap?

A girl & her violin

On Thursday, Taelie finally got her first REAL violin!

She was SO excited.  

She has been learning the Suzuki method on a box violin.  She started lessons right after she turned three, had lessons for 4 months and was ready for her real violin, but then we moved for the summer, and had to find a new teacher in November, so we just decided to start all over again.  Last month, her teacher (who we LOVE), told me that Taelie needed a real violin.  I have been putting it off but after her lesson on Thursday, it was obvious that she is beyond bored with the box.  So we went and got her her FIRST violin!  It is a 1/16th and SO cute.  I can't handle it.

She was so excited, she begged to take it to school the next day for show and tell and wants to practice All. The. Time.  So, I guess we are definitely getting our money's worth!

Seeing the joy in her face as she held her first violin was priceless.  I was bursting with mama pride.  

Love this sweet girl of mine.

Late night play-date

We love getting together with friends.  And we love it even more when our kids all get along.  We're still getting to know our neighbors here, so we were so excited when our neighbors a couple houses down from us invited us over.  The plan was to have dessert and play games, but we ended up eating cookies and just talking.  I was amazed at how well our kids all played too, especially since it was past their bedtimes!  Such good kids.  And so much fun hanging out with new friends!

Already in our jammies and heading out the door!

Our mini-me's.  So fun.

I love these littles so much.  It's so much fun taking them everywhere with us.  I am so excited to keep getting to know our neighbors.  Such great people.  We really are so blessed.

I have so much to learn

The last couple years I've been doing a LOT of soul searching.  I have come so far.  I feel like I know myself now and I know God now so much better than I ever thought possible.

It's very freeing to be able to look at yourself, know you're not perfect, know exactly HOW hard you are working to better yourself, and still be happy with who you are.  

 I make mistakes.  I speak my mind.  Sometimes I hurt others feelings unintentionally.  I lose my patience.  I could continue on this list for awhile, I am definitely NOT perfect.  I won't be.  But because of God and His un-ending love for me, I'm getting better. 

 BUT even as imperfect as I am, He accepts me.  For me.  He allows me to make my own mistakes and learn in ways that I need to.

We are so much stronger than we give ourselves credit for.  I think lots of times we are pushed to (what WE think is) our breaking point.  I had one of those a couple months ago.  

We have to have these heart-breaking experiences.  To become better.  I had/have a hard time understanding this.  After my 4th miscarriage, I would fume and stew and get so angry at God for allowing this to happen.  What good could possibly come from this? I could see no possible positive outcome.  

After months (over a year) of feeling like my heart had been stomped all over and that God couldn't possibly care about me, after years of trying to understand why, after years of attentive, focused gospel study and more hours than I can count on my knees pouring my soul out to Him...I realized I was healed.  I don't feel resentment about the pain I went through anymore.  

Do I understand why I had to go through THAT particular trial?  No.  Not at all.  But He had healed my heart.  I felt His light and direction so clearly.  He knows me. 

And I learned that it's okay to hurt.  

It's okay to not understand.

It's okay to wish you didn't go through certain trials.

Because God accepts you for who you are.  

He understands that we are not going to face every hardship that comes our way with glowing colors.  We are going to cry.  We are going to be angry.  We are going to question.  We are going to get beat down.  

So we can get up even stronger.  

So that we can become who HE needs us to be.

Not who I think I should be.  Or even who OTHER people think I should be.

I'm trying.  And I know with His help, one day, I'll get there.

All images were found on Pinterest.  They did not link back to their original sources, so I can't give credit where it's due.  If you know, please let me know! Thanks.

Do YOU instagram?

You definitely should!  I had instagram MONTHS ago and kinda forgot about it for awhile.  But I recently re-added the app and oh my gosh, shut the front door, it is so fun!  Seriously, check it out, if you haven't already.

A couple pics from last week...

 Me and my boy cheesin' it up.  He is so sweet and such a fun boy!  I am so so lucky to be his mommy.  He kills me with his blue eyes and peek-a-boo dimples.  I think we took 10 pics to get this picture.  Most of them were blurry cause he is always on the go!  Love him so.

The Hubs and I had an actual date night with just the two of us. Don't get me wrong, we love date nights with our kids too, but sometimes it's nice to just focus on each other!  Also, please pretend we look socially acceptable here...I had used curlers on my hair the night before and my hair was....crazy. And someone, PLEASE tell Ben to cut his hair.  The longer it gets, the curlier/more afro-y it gets.  And yes, I WAS the one to tell him to grow it out.  Let's forget about that for a little bit.  :)  Even with crazy Kramer-hair, I still love that man!

Just a little pic to show the current state of our living room.  I have a whole list of things to do in there still.  (Really, I doubt I'll EVER think it'll be completely "done".  That thought makes Ben cringe.  But I LOVE  interior design!)  The biggest annoyance right now it that dang cord hanging down.  (Our HDMI cord went out and Ben had to get a new one, so now he has to re-drop that wire.)  BUT I STILL love it so.  I absolutely LOVE our house.  It's so beautiful and we feel beyond blessed to call this home.  

Oh, my sweet girl!  She is just like her momma.  She LOVES lip gloss.  This one was one of mine and I felt like it was too white-pinky for me, and I'd never use it.  So Taelie got a new lip gloss! (I really think she has 7 or 8 already.  Probably more.) This little mirror in her room is so cute and at her height so she can check herself out in her dress-ups and it's the perfect place to apply her make-ups! (don't mind the fingerprints on it.  Comes with living in a 4 year olds room :) )  Also, notice her fingernails?  She is seriously a mini-me!  I love this little girl of mine!

Do you instagram?  Can I stalk follow you?  My instagram info is: mrsjenniferarthur  Let's be friends. :)

I am not a morning person.

I really wish I were.  I'm trying to be.  (of course, by "trying", I mean "setting my alarm earlier and then hitting snooze more times when it goes off...")  But miraculously, the other morning I woke up at 7:30.  BEFORE my kids woke me up.  This is unheard of.  Most mornings we are running around like crazy trying to make sure Taelie has breakfast, looks presentable (she always does, she's a cutie, that girl), and gets to school on time.  Waking up by 8 am kills me.  It's kind of pathetic.  But on this morning (waking up only 30 minutes earlier), I was awake, showered, and dressed before my kids woke up.  So then I was able to actually make a decent breakfast.

 Tae with her Lalaloopsy hair.  We also call these her "Merida curls" (from the movie, Brave.)  I just hadn't taken the curlers out yet.

Mister had THOROUGHLY enjoyed his pancakes.  (They had chocolate chips in them.  Which I never do.  Seriously.  They always beg for them and I'm a mean mom.  But today I let them.  And they thought I was the best mom ever.)

I'm hoping that if I can just get myself to GO. TO. BED by even midnight, I'll be able to wake up earlier.  I need my sleep, so going to bed at 2 am and waking up at 8 kills me.  I love having my evenings to do my projects but staying up that late is just not conducive to me being as good of a mom as I am when I get enough sleep.  I just always feel like I am missing out on something by going to bed early.  So weird.  My goal for this week is to go to bed by midnight and get up at 7....I'll keep you posted :)

This boy...

LOVES cuddles with his mama.

And I'm not complaining one bit. 

Can I freeze him like this?